My name is Daniel and I was a Police Officer for 13 years.  Most of my service was spent in a response role with the final year spent investigating child abuse.  At this point I should stress that I loved Policing and never wanted to do anything else and I never wanted to leave!

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During my service I attended a wide range of incidents and in the early part of my service didn’t get offered support or TRIM for incidents which I probably should have!  In 2012 I was on duty and deployed to an A&E department following a serious house fire.  I stood in the resuscitation room for several hours and watched as doctors and nurses worked tirelessly to try and save lives of children and adults.  I saw 4 children die and one adult that night. 

 

Before leaving the A&E department I was asked to seize burnt clothing, pyjamas that were stuck to stretchers, beds and still had skin on them.  I went by Ambulance the final child who was in a medically induced coma was transferred to a burns unit.  I knew she was unlikely to survive and when I got home it was announced on the news that she had died.

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Following this incident I was offered TRIM, a system used within the constabulary that I worked in and developed I believe by the military to assess the effects following traumatic events.  I was then offered counselling, something I was unsure about, but I went and following a 10 to 12 sessions I was provided with a professional diagnosis of PTSD. 

 

I had heard this term banded around but didn’t really understand what it meant.  The symptoms I suffered with through the next 4 years included not being able to sleep properly, anxiety in almost every part of my life but particularly heightened at work, guilt, lower self confidence and nervous about everything but again at work these symptoms were heightened and extreme.  During these 4 years my life at home was difficult too, my wife, a saviour tried to understand and went out of her way to read books and research PTSD.  I was snappier with my children who were still young, I would have severe mood swings and my personality changed. 

 

I also couldn’t do things, like watch television programmes that contained fires, I couldn’t go to organised fireworks displays, I couldn’t sit in a room with a wood burner or open fireplace and each year I would be extremely emotional in the lead up to and after the anniversary.  I suffered with flashbacks regularly and felt suicidal.

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I was referred to the occupational health team again about 4 years after the incident within the Police Force and they sent me for further counselling (6 sessions of a different type), but this didn’t help and eventually feeling that there was no more support to be got from work, no one to talk to and no where to turn I handed my notice in and resigned. 

 

I felt I had no choice, that it was resign or the unthinkable.  During this time colleagues had been amazing, but I sensed that even though they understood that I had experienced an extremely difficult set of circumstances, I felt that they thought I was either “playing on it” or being silly about it and that I should have snapped out of it. 

 

The stigma associated with mental health was still that in the Police environment you should be able to get on with it.

Having left a job I loved, a job I still am hugely passionate about, a job I would love to have gone back to, my wife and I had to think fast.  We have 2 children, a house and bills to pay.  My wife managed to get a full time job and return to a role she hadn’t worked in since leaving her role to be a stay at home Mum. 

 

I set up my own business offering painting & decorating and gardening services.  Fortunately this has all started to work out well however, I still was suffering with anxiety, with social anxiety (I didn’t go out and wouldn’t go to family events or social events) and my mood swings were still fairly severe.

In 2019 I decided I needed to try and do something to change and by chance through someone else a lady was recommended to me who did something different.  I made contact with Wendy and arranged to attend a first session, she told me it would 2 hours. 

 

I have to admit that I was apprehensive, the fact that I suffer with anxiety meant I was anxious about attending the first appointment.  I was also feeling cynical that she would be able to help me!

The first thing I would say about my first session with Wendy is that she made me feel very at ease, she came across as being kind and wanting to help, but also with a straight talking approach which I felt comfortable with. 

 

The session started with a chat around what had led to me being there and then learning a really good technique for calming and relaxing.  Then Wendy went through a process to cover one element of our initial discussion.  This was around the incident that had led to me being diagnosed with PTSD.  At the end of the session Wendy explained that there would be a 3 day integration period where I might feel a number of emotions and then I should feel better. 

 

The first day following my session with her I felt tired and lethargic and the second day I started to feel more with it.  By the third day I felt fine and back to normal.  

I still didn’t know how what we had done would help me or whether it had worked at all…..that is until the following weekend my wife and I were watching some television and there was a programme on which did involve a fire. 

 

I watched it and had no reaction.  I didn’t feel emotional and didn’t feel the need to remove myself from the room, or equally turn the channel over.  My wife was astounded as this was the first time in 7 years that I had been able to do this without the extreme response.  That night I went to bed as usual, I slept well and didn’t have any flash backs.  The following day I woke up and told my wife how I felt, we both just couldn’t believe that one session with Wendy had already changed my life and the family’s life.

The benefits for me are obvious, I can do, watch and see all things I could prior to 2012 and not be affected by them again. 

 

The benefits for the family are also equally as key, I’m not snappy with the children, I’m calmer, we will be able to go and see and experience things that we haven’t done as a family for many years.  

If I had been referred to Wendy following that traumatic incident, I feel confident that I wouldn’t have suffered for 4 years and I wouldn’t have resigned from Policing!  Being a Police Officer is an extremely demanding role and trying to do this while being tired, anxious, stressed and depressed was really hard. 

 

My family during this time wouldn’t have suffered either.  My colleagues who I worked with over the years would have not needed to listen to moans, they wouldn’t have needed to feel that they were carrying a team member and wouldn’t have needed to be concerned about how I might react at certain incidents. 

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I believe that what I have experienced from Wendy would give Police officers the ability to cope and manage with the most traumatic incidents without suffering in the way that I did, and many others do.  I also believe that this type of help would mean that in the aftermath of such tragic incidents officers would be able to manage better and in turn Police Forces would have reduced absence from stress and anxiety.  I also believe that Police Officers families would not be affected in the same way as there wouldn’t be the ripple effect from the Police Officer outwards.